Snape and the kids
by Resisting Arrest
Summary: Remake of Eminem's Song 'The Kids' R/R no flames please.Thanks!


Disclaimer: i dont own the song or the characters so dont sue me!  
  
  
And everyone should get along..  
Okay children quiet down, quiet down  
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day  
His name is Professor Snape  
Children quiet down please  
Semus don't throw that (SHUT UP!)  
Professor Snape will be your new substitute   
while Professor Lupin is out with pneumonia (HE'S A WEREWOLF!)  
Good luck Professor Snape  
  
[Snape]  
Hi there little boys and girls (F**K YOU!)  
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison Harry Potter  
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Lucius (Huh?)  
Say hi Lucius! ("Hi Lucius")Lucius 30 and still lives with his mom  
and he don't got a job, cause Lucius sits at home and smokes pot  
but his twelve-year old son looks up to him an awful lot  
And Lucius likes to hang out at the local 3 broomsticks spot  
and wait in the parkin lot for Madam Rosmerta off the clock  
when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog  
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)  
And even if they escaped and they got the cops  
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge  
'til one night Professor Mcgonagall went off the job  
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk  
But Minerva knew it was Lucius and said knock it off  
But Lucius wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his broomstick  
Crazier than Severus Snape is off the vodka  
You couldn't even take him to Dumbledore's to get Lucius a "Dr."  
He grabbed Minerva' by the legs as chopped it off her  
and dropped her off in the lake for the what d'you call em?"please-men" to find her  
But ever since the day Minerva went off to wander  
they never found her, and Lucius still hangs at the Three Broomsticks  
And that's the story of Lucius and his marijuana,   
and what it might do to you  
So see if Harry Potter wants any - it's bad for you   
  
Chorus: Prof. Flitwick  
see children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)  
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)  
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)  
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)  
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)  
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)  
Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)  
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?  
  
[Snape]  
My Cauldron is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?   
Hell NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)  
Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for Harry Potter?  
Veriteserum(sp?)is the worst potion in the world  
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it  
Kids two hits'll probably drain secrets  
and secrets are final, you won't get them back  
So don't get attached, it'll attack secret in your soul  
Meet Ron, 12 years old   
After hangin out with some friends at a quidditch party, he gets bold  
and decides to try it, when he's bribed by five guys  
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it  
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his mouth moves into hyperdrive  
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*I'm in love with hermione*}   
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches  
He's on Deans carpet, layin horizontal screamin {*I love you draco*}  
And everyone in the common room starts laughin at him  
"Hey Parvati, Ron is a jackass, look at him!"  
cause they took it too, so they think it's funny  
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money  
Meanwhile, Ron's in St Mungo's, the action is over  
and He's telling his secrets for the longbottoms to hear  
And that's the story of Ron, the Veritaserum maniac  
So feed that to Harry Potter class, cause it's bad for you  
  
Chorus: Prof. Flitwick   
  
See children, potions are bahhhd (that's right)  
and if you don't believe me, ask Fred (that's right)  
and if you don't believe him, ask Lavender (you can)  
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)  
So kids say no to potions (even snapes)  
So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)  
And there's really nothin else to say (but umm)  
Potions are just bad, mmm'kay?  
  
[Snape]  
And last but not least, one of the most humungous  
problems among young people today, is Canary Creams  
It cam from the weasley twins, they pick it up,curse it ,   
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it  
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff  
And you get feathers when eat um..  
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)  
Like Professor Moody in a G-string with orange hair  
(Prof. Snape what's a G-string?) It's yarn Cho  
Moody sticks 'em up his behind, goes out and wears 'em (Huh?)  
And if you swallow too much of the ton tongue toffees  
Whoops, did I say ton tongue toffees ? I meant canary creams  
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)  
cause it comes from a weasley (Gross!!)  
See kids,Weasleys are bad, it's a common fact  
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)  
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.  
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to be sirius balck  
and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault  
So don't do potions, and do exactly as I don't,   
cause I'm bad for you  
  
Chorus: Prof Flitwick   
  
See children, potions are bahhhd (uh-huh)  
and if you don't believe me, ask fred (put that down)  
and if you don't believe him, ask cho (you can ask)  
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)  
So kids say no to hagrid (say no)  
So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)  
And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)  
Potions are just bad, mmm'kay?  
  



End file.
